Christmas Presents

This is done in three stages.

First, the stocking. Xmas comes but once a year so, go mad. Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate, is the order of the day. Everyone loves chocolate1.

An orange is good (or tangerine) but a chocolate orange is better. They won't be bugging you to make breakfast after eating a chocolate orange.

At the bottom of the "stocking" (mine is a huge pair of Ski socks that STRETCH) is a toy which will keep them occupied for hours.

This is important. Children have a tendency to wake their parents at 7am on Christmas morning to open their "main" presents. You don't want this. To avoid this you keep them occupied, sans-parent.

Living in the 21st century has its benefits..

About 18 hours from now the Data Frog SF2000, with 6000 built-in games, 2 x wireless controllers, cables and all that fun stuff will be £14.42 on AliExpress. With free 5 day shipping. They're gonna be flying those planes anyway right now so you might as well hop on-board.

Of course there are 16,714 similar devices in our stocking-filler price range available on Ali right now, but this will work.

At some point* here you can stagger into the kitchen for a cup of tea / coffee / woteva, safe in the knowledge that your children are joyfully pouring their brain-matter out their ears in a feedback loop you will never comprehend, and take a minute.

When you have regained consciousness; you can stroll through and hear tales of great adventure and conquest.

Stage 2: The "main" presents part one. These are the presents under the tree nearer the outside. Kids get to these first. You want to increase the awesomeness as you near the trunk.

I was heartbroken to hear my youngest tell a humble shopkeeper that he didn't get what he wanted for Christmas last year so isn't asking for anything at all this year. No letter. Nada. But I did secretly hear him him whisper to Santa that he'd really like some Pokemon stuff.

Thy shall be done. Ali is full of that shit!

Stage 2 is all about things you heard them desire at some point recently (in six months all this is irrelevant). Take notes from August onwards. "If only I had a..." or "be great to have a.." are prime candidates for your Christmas list(s).

[stage 3] Right at the trunk, the "main" present. This is awesome incarnate. This is the present which will (temporarily) make them forget all previous presents.

This is, of course, the next console in your console journey. The package shall be labelled, "the <insert family name> family", and everyone will wow at the thing, and the individually-named presents within the larger box, which are the life-changing games you will play next, carefully curated by Santa *cough* your most loving parent, are what will envelop your "spare" time for the next few weeks/months.

Taking your kids trekking across the hills, camping, fishing, all that; is great for a week or two in the Summer, but for the rest of the year they will live in the real world (school, karate lessons, etc..), which has gone unreal, literally. Christmas is about the unreal world.

At some point they will learn that Santa is you, and everything changes. Keep this moment at bay as long as you can.

So there you have it; the perfect formulae for XP (Xmas Presents).

Your afternoon snooze is handled when they submerse into either the latest or retro-oldest. Either way, win-win.

Happy holiday!

;o)