Stephen King has no kids.

And if he does, he has somehow managed some mental trickery to remove them from his emotional landscape. Either way, fuck off.

Here's how I know. And why I would never watch another Stephen King Film or read another of his books.

No way in this universe is a father just gonna shoot his own child on the off-chance that the worst happens. This would not happen. Ever.

Only at the very last moment of imminent-something-worse-than-death does a father shoot his own child.

Nothing less. And not a second sooner.

So a) you have no kids and b) your proof-reading team is shit.

So, bye-bye.



The HBO mini-series, not the place, though it is about the place, and the disaster and near-catastrophe that happened there.

I'm re-watching it with my eldest and I note two things:

1. It's great TV. I mean "great", in the true sense of the word. Those beautifully long build-ups to intense moments of boiling tension. The acting, writing, directing, cinematography; it's all turned up to 11. Also, Emily Watson

It's because scenes from it keep popping back into my head that I'm re-watching it at all. Over five episodes Chernobyl will implant dozens of unforgettable moments into your brain. They are not coming out in a hurry.

2. It's something everyone who is alive and old enough in 2023 should watch, if only to understand the way Russians, or more correctly, "Russia", thinks.

You may find this insight useful in the days ahead.


How to get a song out of your head.

For some reason, The The's "Infected" album came to mind the other day and rather than pull the vinyl out of the shelf (as I was working) I put it on youtube and carried on.

Oh Tae Fuck! Matt wrote some great songs there and those early Channel 4 promo (recorded to long-dead VHS) videos came instantly streaming back. I know the lyrics (for every song on albums that rocked me). I sing along. All good.

But then the next day it's still there. Don't get me wrong Matt (cuz you're a mental fuck when riled) but these aren't songs you want hanging around in your bonce days and weeks after the event. But being such great hooks and so well done they persist.

I HAVE THE CURE! (Fuck you, Matt!)

Crowded House Discography. Play it in chronological order. A single loop should do it, but repeat if required. No way any song can withstand the awesome power of these melodies.

Now at least the song that keeps diving into your mental soundscape isn't about hammering yourself to a crucifix with a nail-gun, or such-like, but instead about drinking yourself into oblivion and a pit of regret, but hey! In a Major key!

But seriously, this shit works.
Tweet it and take all the credit!


Kombucha is King!

No doubt I have spouted here previously about this magical stuff, but in case not..

Kombucha is KING! (of prebiotics)

Forgiving AF. Is one of the top reasons I conclude thus.

It's the sort of magic that doesn't mind if you forget all about it for a month or even three. One day you say, "F**k Yeah!", and there it is, waiting, completely mastering its own homeostatic state with zero help from you, thank you very much. Yeasts do similar things.

I went Kombucha-crazy at the New Year and had so much "fermenting"? I missed a jar; over four months it's been working away and it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! I usually aim to bottle in around a month or so.

Back in the day, I was super-scientific in my Kombucha-making; weights, times, temperatures.. Okay, my weights are still floating-point-accurate but I've learned that temperatures are feelenough and times are seriously elastic.

So Kombucha presents itself as not only all the amazing things you (may or may not) already know and love about Kombucha but also as the perfect modern-day ProBiotic for those on-the-move.

NEVER-BEFORE has Kombucha been presented this way and so boom! I WIN! Erm.. What was I saying..

.. Oh Yes, if you work off-shore (Aberdeen, remember.. my friends are "always on my mind"..) or similar away-from-home scenario, KOMBUCHA is your Good Friend.

A Probiotic you brew in your own locale beats any off-the-shelf potion, pill, balm, remedy, salve, ointment (stop me! I'm getting carried away!) therapy, spell, treatment, and so on. The gut commands the body. This shit is a kick in your gut, but in a good way. Also, tastes lovely.

You can set up a batch and walk away, safe in the knowledge that the perfect symbiosis of bacteria and yeast will keep everything within that perfect human-range for a long, long (maybe long, long, long) time. *

When you return it will be ready.


* Of course I now plan to test this extensively, with much longer times.
I will report back my findings in the future.

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