early shift

It amazes me that within four days of mentioning Tarantino's "five-point exploding heart trick", or was it technique? anyway, WITHIN FOUR DAYS of mentioning it right here in this blog, someone shows up at my site from google, searching for that exact term! Well Hello Kill Bill fans!

My site logs rock! They are an hour every evening, or most evenings, that I thoroughly look forward to, and google always provides some of the best laughs. Who would have thought that I was up there in a search for "tasty background images"? In Norway I'm your number one stop for Tasty Background Images, something I feel I aught to capitalise on in some way, if it weren't for the fact that in reality almost no one is looking for "tasty background images". I didn't even use the phrase! that's not one of the funny ones, of course.

Some of my search results are embarrassing, even beating dot.coms of the same name as the query string! Sorry guys! smiley for :lol: Though I have to admit that most of it is unintentional, that doesn't make me any less thankful. Spider away!

Even when the msnbot almost brought this site to a standstill during it's initial *frenzy indexing* stage, I still let it spider away. Their technology needed "adjustment", sure; an email here, a bulletin board post there sorts that; but no way would I ban the thing!

Have I mentioned how I feel about the power of search engines? Och heaps of times. But it's still amazing to me, and years from now when all the kids of then take it completely for granted, I'll wager that pockets of old-school types will still meet up and marvel at it all, how we changed the world.

A few days from now, in another part of the physical world, someone could search for "msnbot frenzy indexing" and end up right here, reading these very words. If that's you, by the way, you have a choice; either a) edit your robots.txt file to disallow the bot, commit internet suicide, or b) optimise your site. You should be safe now anyway, they've upgraded and tweaked their insect, it's almost bearable, unlike some others I could mention, and probably will if they don't learn to lay of the effin hammer!

You wouldn't think that acceptable standards for internet search engine activity were debated and decided upon almost a decade ago. I guess when you have a new search product, and a schedule, such things take a back seat.

I'd like it all to be site-driven. The engines can index once, after requesting permission to do so (unless my robots.txt file says otherwise). After that they index only when I request it. When a page is updated, a message is sent to the isdb (internet search-engine database) or directly to the engines, and my page is re-indexed, or queued for re-indexing. It could be scheduled site-side, or instantaneous on every change. A soap-like protocol handles the messages, my blogging/cms/whatever software sends them. just a thought.

At some more future point, google will be like corzoogle, when a document changes anywhere in the world, google will have it. a moment later, it will appear in search results. cool huh. But I'm giving too much away. heh.

I started today early, was entertaining by 6am, walked over five miles (Karma loved that bit) and still managed to update and improve over 39 separate site scripts. I've decided to end it with Shpongle, very loud, and leave the testing/uploading until at least tomorrow. corzoogle/corzblog/distro.machine users, prepare for some neat updates including a fair few user-requested features.

Everyone else, all I can say for now is, keep your eye on the status bar!

okay, less text, more Shpongle...

for now..

;o) Cor

relax!

Most folks screw up their face when they blow their nose; have you noticed that? I used to do it, too. Reckon I saw someone doing it when I was a kid, probably a parent, and figured that was the way to go. Of course it's not.

It takes a good half-dozen screw-yer-face-up style nasal propulsions to achieve the same cleansing effect you get by simply relaxing and breathing out strongly. In truth you never quite get it as clean. I discovered this catching myself in a mirror one day, blowing my nose with my face all screwed up; an achievement in itself; when your face is all screwed up, your eyes are barely open at all.

"why am I screwing up my face?" I asked.
"erm, in case you get bogey in your eyes?", replied the mirror.

So, with the water-sniffing trick I shared in a previous blog, you now have "corz complete sinus treatment". I don't charge for this stuff you know, it's all free. just help yourself.

Around about that same time, I came to understand that relaxation is the secret of a great many things, the key. Most meditation is impossible without it, as are multiple-orgasms (guys! I mean guys of course! you girls can just let it happen.) I realised that it was almost a panacea for the ills of modern living, the opposite of stress. Of course I'm not the first to notice this, it's old old knowledge. So here's my question..

Why isn't it taught in schools? More; how did a school curriculum evolve without covering any of this really basic, important stuff, the stuff all humans should know?

This irritates me. I wonder why I didn't get taught how to relax at school, or how to meditate, or a thousand and one other useful things I really, as a young human, should have known. Incredibly I know what a penny-farthing is, and also a marsupial; this information is completely useless to me. I know many many times over that our money used to involve shillings and penny's and farthings, but no one thought to tell me how to give my nose a really good blow, or relax my body, or remove stress, or anger, or hate, pain. They didn't know either, I guess.

Of course, when schools were first created, children didn't need most of this stuff, stress wasn't a major killer like it is now. But they're going to need more than ABC and the cat in the hat to survive this souped-up twenty first century. Do we need real kids snapping and killing each other before we consider maybe teaching them the really important stuff? Oh, we already have that, don't we?

When I went to college, the first course we got was "Learning and study skills", where we were tutored in everything from speed-reading, to mind-maps and efficient note-taking. I thought, "Why didn't I get this stuff when I was five?". Crazy.

It astounds me, I mean completely blows me sideways, that the super-nutritious, amazingly delicious, versatile and finger-lickingly addictive Tahini is a mystery food to almost everyone I meet. Calcium Extravaganza! Question: What do growing kids need lots and lots of? Clue: begins with "C", ends with "m", bones and teeth are made with it..

In the Middle-East they mix Tahini with honey, which magically turns into fudge, which kids love. Little do the kids know, they are consuming a health food! Ha! Trick your kids with Tahini!1

One day they will be adults, and adults always need this information, these tools, sooner or later. I wonder why none of our enlightened adult forefathers thought to spread them around freely. Stress is a big part of human life, and they apparently knew the answers. So they hid them in tomes, and riddles. Perhaps they were preserving them, for us.

I reckon if guys like Jesus and Buddha really wanted mankind to get salvation quickly, they'd have been handing out working tools, teaching folks how to deal with their instincts and emotions, their urges and inspirations, directly. So that's probably not what they were up to, then. Maybe that's up to us, and our internet. Maybe it's only now we're ready for it.

Johnny, 5, finds the new healing exercise a bit boring at first, but when his body's chemistry begins to rush, he forgets this. Years later, climbing a remote Scottish Mountain he experiences a heart attack. The technique saves his life, John walks home.

This the future. And maybe it's only now that we're really ready for it. Could Possibly Believe in It. Ordinary men empowered with Mankind's collective knowledge, walking like gods. Maybe we had to wait until we had an internet. The trouble is all the other technology that comes with this great "advance".

[in the style of the American Metaphysical Circus - Joe Byrd and the Field Hippies, circa early 70's] ...

John has just celebrated his 250th birthday, at a party thrown for him by several of his friends at Virtual Springs...

I'd love to say Johnny achieved this ripe old age with brown rice, oats, honey, and regular meditation, but alas, he got lazy after the turmoil of the TwentyTeens and his heart gave-out completely aged 45 (though of course the organ had been naturally completely replaced at a cellular level many many times in those years). it's cybernetic replacement however, didn't break down once; its nano-scale regeneration wasn't at all governed by how he felt. Which is just as well, because he felt dreadful, and With the Aid of Technology, felt that way for a very very long time.

[contains spoiler!]I wonder if the five-point exploding heart technique was Tarantino's way of saying (amongst other things), anything is possible. After all that celluloid, when she actually bloody does it, Kills Bill, at last; it's not some arcing decapitation, or shotgun blast to the tonsils or bullet-time power-kick, nothing big and macho, just the graceful application of a science. All the information we need is out there now, the science, just grab what you need.

I feel the need to construct a pendant (I don't, it's just a story). I'll need a particular set of tools, and materials, and so I click. I enter my credit card details and order everything I need. I google and study the Kabala, the readings of Cayce, meditate on the matter and pick a suitable gem2. A week later I am working with metal and solder and, and as I set the gem, I understand why I felt the need to construct the thing. Like Idries Shah says, (I'm paraphrasing) "Most people imagine they need Knowledge, or Wisdom or some such thing, but really they just need good information". I know that while a book can't give me knowledge, practicing things from books can.

it's all out there now, everything we need to master the science of being human, and no excuses. With all the time we get from machines doing our labour, and having this incredible communication system, these amazing information tools, the storage and search engines to locating what we need; I can see us going all the way, and en masse, too. But that's up to us, evolution I mean. Technological advance on the other hand looks unstoppable, even when it amounts to suicide.

This is why its getting hard to relax these days. it's a race against time, the war of good technology over bad, maybe of good over evil. And like the Tahini, almost no one seems to know about it, or they don't care. I watched i-robot recently and hardly spoke for days. I knew there was a reason I'd avoided anything but the odd short story by Isaac Asimov, it's just too bloody scary.

No one wants to know. Bill Joy proved this a few years back when Wired Magazine pulbished his masterly essay on our new technologies, "Why the future doesn't need us". I imagined it would be a mighty catalyst in some kind of world-wide "common sense movement". I was wrong; folk just moved onto "the next thing", like goldfish. Or else they dismiss the notions with "the government wouldn't allow anything bad to happen"...

We hear of nanotechnology and think "neat!". Possibly you have a idea of what "grey goo" means, more likely you've never even heard of it at all. Nanotechnologists avoid the subject. But that doesn't mean we have to. It goes: Crazy Amateur Scientist creates nano-vegitation. vegetation "escapes" from garden-shed-lab, vegetation self-replicates over the face of the whole planet, crowds out all our natural vegetation. Or is it the one about the water-eating nanite medicine? Either way, we die.

I don't know the future, and unless something is done pretty quick, it's looking like I might not get that chance, and I really do want to.

I really want a Nikon eye, for starters. (I prefer old Olympus lenses, sure, but for some reason, whenever I think about the eye that I will own in the future, how it will capture and relay images, video, experiences, it's always a Nikon eye that I imagine, it's in the heads-up display.) If you are working in this field, tapping the optic nerve, I'll guinea pig for you for free, and my own vision is perfect, I just want that eye, how handy would that be!?!3

We are getting close, real close to having some truly amazing technologies in our daily lives, and almost no one is asking the big important questions. Could my future eye actually deceive me? Be used against me? Wilfully kill me? What about my replacement nano-organs? What happens if the manufacturer goes bust? Or goes bad. At what point do we need to start building in the three laws, or something like them? Robots building robots building your next replacement kidney. it's a thought, isn't it.

As much as I want to embrace these enhancements and prosthetics, plug-in skills and languages, and all the rest, I'm uneasy about the lack of in-built three-laws safety. When my spleen calls home for software upgrades, I don't want that to be a call to Microsoft. Until all sorts of questions are answered I'll be keeping my organs healthy the old-fashioned way. I'll do my own housework, too, thanks.

It wouldn't bother me so much if this leap forward wasn't based on so much false premise. I mean, do we really need all these technologies. When we get a headache, that doesn't mean we need a bigger better more powerful painkiller, or some nano-synaptic-stimulator, it means we need to relax, or take time out, do something about it, adjust our life in some way.

Pain is part of our body's in-built early warning system. Removing it is like taking out the brake light in your car because "it wouldn't stop flashing". Instead of teaching kids to spot unease in their body and mind, teaching them how to deal with it, we train them to ignore it, generally until it's too late. This madness has to stop.

Same with genetic engineering; having a tomato that can deliver all the known vitamins does no more than destroy the tomato's natural nutrient matrix. That something that took mother nature millions of years to perfect can be so easily decimated, possibly to the extinction of the genuine article gives me the willies. Seed-Banks of the world! Time-Capsule a dozen of everything! DO IT NOW!

When I was a kid I saw some hippy dude on the telly, one of those wee channel four short filler things, and he was speaking about how an orange was filled with light, and how all the light went into you when you ate it and I just thought what a nutcase. I ken better noo, and I ken about enzymes, and bioflavonoids; which is probably why I couldn't get the hippy out of my mind all those years.

that's how I feel about robotics and artificial intelligence, they nag at me. I'm happy about those big powerful factory robots; they are safe, so long as you don't get too close; they don't "think" and they don't make decisions, they don't chase after you and self-replicate, and all the other "wonderful possibilities" that these technologies offer.

But teaching the kids about all this may be pointless; by the time they are old enough to do anything about it, it may be too late. Someone needs to be telling the adults of our planet what all these greedy corporations are up to, because if we want to do something about it, we're going to have to act quickly. If you expect the governments of the world to act in our favour without a lot of pushing on your part, you are deluded, because a) they don't fully understand these technologies, b) have no control over the companies evolving them anyways, and c) they also see those dollar signs.

Tarantino's right, anything is possible now, if that's what he was saying. A cybernetic hand could be programmed to never miss those five points, ever, if they really do exist, the info will be out there somewhere, or alternatively, squish your head to a juice. I'm not sure about the five-point exploding heart technique, but the cybernetic limbs are a certainty.

Okay, deep breaths.

for now..

;o) Cor

ps.. the Johnny 5 reference was completely unintentional.


references:
  1. I'm working on advertising slogans for a Tahini. I believe I have cracked it, I mean figured out why Tahini isn't the most popular food on the planet, and I plan to setup a company, or at last fantasise about setting up a company, that utilises this discovery to bring about a Tahini renaissance, all over the planet. But really I'll probably not get around to it, and the idea, along with the perfect health of our world's children will perish when I die. Or maybe some big food company will contact me and say "Hey! what was this Tahini thing you were talking about in your blog? (cuz a friend of a friend of a friend swears he does actually read corzblog) and they say "We'll give you a percentage of all future T******* revenue (the name's important and doesn't even have the same number of characters as I typed asterixes, just to throw ya) if you share your Tahini secret with us. Then everyone's happy, see? Oh, I can stop typing, that file's encoded now, sheesh, I need a faster computer... tum-tee-tum..

  2. I overcame the problem of distance by asking the gem dealer to pick the stone at exactly 10pm CET, at which time I would meditate on the qualities of the exact stone I needed. It turned out to be a perfect match, just like I'd chose it myself!

  3. I'm thinking right now that I could keep both my perfect eyes, and the camera itself could be mounted somewhere on the head, very very small, like those nano-camera's footballers of the future wear (ms-digital get all the best players, damn them!), it would simply have to follow my eye's focus and direction. Some mechanism, perhaps a facial muscle movement starts and stops the recordings. I'd miss the h.u.d, though. hmm.

autumn..

okay, summer's over. I'm cool with that now.

it's been a real memorable one, the kind of summer where, if someone were to ask you what you were up to, you wouldn't know where to start, so I won't. Though I might drop a few nuggets in as I go along.

It seems like years since I looked at a php script, but I've started doing just that. I remember now why I keep such thorough notage; I'm writing those notes for some dude in the future who really hasn't got a scoobie what's going on. That dude is me, and I'd like to say a big thank-you to the me of the past for the extensive help text, I need it!

I see corzoogle downloads tipped over the thousand mark in my absence and continue to climb. Some folks are actually using it, too; research institutions, universities, clubs, rock bands, fan clubs, tech dudes, religious groups, the works.. jeez, even the ***** ********** Director of Public Prosecution uses corzoogle as its chosen search technology. I censored that last item because while they have removed the links, they have not paid their license fee. I mean, what is the world coming to, huh? Publicly Prosecute yourselves dudes! hahah.

Big thanks to everyone who's mailed me about corz.org related things over the last few months, and especially those brave souls who leave comments around this site, they'll be here for ever, you can show your grandchildren.

While I'm shouting, big w00ts go out to Ronniethefish and Rose for a) having names that you can roll your tongue over (heh) and b) going that extra mile; it's guys like you that keep my faith in humanity strong. /me bows

Oh! Windows XP sucks. (in case you didn't know)

Hey! Apparently I give off some kind of unusual magnetic charge. As well as ensuring I'm continually plagued with lustful humans, it means hardware has a tendency to blow-up around me, especially televisions; another reason why I don't own one. At any rate, I'm waiting for my linux box's hard drive (which blew up) to be replaced by the manufacturer, and learning that even simple services like NAT1, can be a complete nightmare on a non-unix machine.

<long rant about Windows® XP, snipped>

I wonder how the Linux desktop is coming along.

Anyways, it's Autumn, and in the North of Scotland that means Cold, Wet, and Dark. I like Cold, Wet, and Dark, by the way; I'd be in Spain otherwise. This'll probably mean longer hours tucked inside BBEdit and the festal realization of many juicy "user comments". In other words; If you want one of my apps to do something, or do something better, better tell me now or soon!

On the subject of hair, which I am now, I'm compelled to share with you a remarkable discovery of mine..

the tops of old socks make excellent hair-bands!

yup, just cut that top bit off, and bingo! it's cheap, and; vitally in this twenty-first century garbage heap of a planet of ours2; eco-friendly, right?

Still on the subject of hair; mine is getting rather long, and more than a few times recently I've been asked, "what do you wash your hair with?" or some similarly worded question. My response, in the vein of this very paragraph, has been to share with the enquirer a remarkable discovery of mine, and I say "water", which they immediately interpret as sarcasm and walk away.3

it's the magnetism, you see, I have to keep the lustful humans at bay if I'm to get any work done. For this reason I also now bite my nails and wear dirty shoes. Most females are instantly repelled by just these two simple precautionary measures. Also, I plan to not clean my teeth for the next week or so, reckon I'm guaranteed as much time as I need to devote to the important tasks, like writing, and coding, and singing; though I hear you can do that with another person4.

for now..

;o) Cor


references:
  1. Network Address Translation. Allows one machine to act as a "gateway" for other local machines to access the internet. A few years ago, Microsoft bought a technology called "Internet Connection Sharing" from a company I'm probably legally prohibited from suggesting even existed. Needless to say, they took this small, cute and highly effective codebase and transformed it into a bloated, unreliable "feature" of their excellent Windows® operating system. ignore me, I've just had to reinstall my XP box, again.

  2. Incredibly, underneath the layer of garbage is a beautiful, magical world called "Earth", or "Mother Earth", as I prefer. In fact, in some of the more remote areas of our home planet you can still see (shrinking parts of) its natural beauty.

  3. unless they're really gagging for it. in this instance, their instinctive animal self has served them well; they will learn the secrets of washing your hair with nothing more than plain water, and maybe get a shag.

  4. it is accepted anthropogical fact that human speech evolved from feeding. Early humans would grunt and make other noises whilst eating, and these later developed into words, with meanings. It is my belief that singing evolved from the act of making love. feel free to think about that.

Woah

October! it just came out of nowhere!

;o) Cor



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