Not dope!

So, straight into the top-ten of stupid ideas for the 21st Century so far...

The Doped Olympics

Seems there is a continual stream of "Athletes" canned from regular sports for augmenting their basic human physicality not with effort and nutrition and sheer will1, but with chemicals.

That's good. I'm glad some "body" is on top of that because you need to draw the line somewhere and "unaugmented" human" sounds fair enough to me. Begone dope fiends! Real humans only allowed.

So, some bright spark says, "But where do they go?".

Until now, where they belong; in rehab. But maybe this is premature, says he (Aaron D'Souza). Perhaps there is coin in them there untangling DNA strands while the bearer still stands, and so, why not...

"The Enhanced Games"

It doesn't take a science fiction writer to see where this is going; the devastation that lies in the wake of such a simple notion; An Olympics for enhanced athletes; which is a polite way of saying, less than spectacular individuals who couldn't make the grade and instead pumped themselves full of drugs.

Or just skip the hopes, dreams and then inevitable shame and rejection of the major leagues and start pumping yourself full of untested chemicals right now and head straight for the THE ENHANCED GAMES. Hop aboard! All are welcome, so long as your muscles stick out in interestingly televisual ways.

It's absolutely no more stupid than 93.6%2 of the ideas I see proposed these days. And here's another first: I'd PAY to see that! Just Kidding. I'll torrent that shit. Quids-in I couldn't handle more than two or three minutes, anyway.

Yup, it's a gamble; "enhancing" yourself by artificial means3. From compromising your most basic health functions to the interference of those pesky ever-advancing (okay, catching-up, maybe tomorrow) sport's regulatory bodies. Then the unravelling and painful death, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, give paying customers a spectacle as your veins, muscles, tendons and will go "pop" on Live TV.

Okay, that's rare. But impotence, rage, oh fuck Google it, not worth it. Man has NO CLUE (okay, maybe 0.5% of a clue, so far) how to integrate chemistry into the whole human being. Be a guinea pig if you like, but I'd gently remind you that there are very few "man made" substances that have even near the efficacy of well-known natural substances; at least, well-known to some.

This is the 21st century and information that took me months of letters and nudges and expensive phone calls as a kid is now a click away. You have no fucking excuse!

Nature has given you everything you need to add KILOS of muscle mass per month; speed and strength gain of double figures in the same time-frame. Why would you need to disable yourself in order to achieve less?

Gotta love them backward logical millennials!


* And if your natural testosterone happens to be WAY HIGH, then FUCK ALL THEM! Good for you! You dive into the history books and let all the second-placers tell their cronies, "If it wasn't for Caster I would have won it". Tough! Go find your own niche.

You go, girl! The surrounding Math will compensate for your greatness.

1I've seen over half a century of this ****, come test me!

2 88.2% of all statistics are complete shite. Yes, I'm paraphrasing Vic Reeves.

3 And utterly unnecessary for someone who can be bothered to investigate what nature already provides. You want the latest chemicals or do you want actual gains?

Move away from the pharmacy shelf, friend. The truth is elsewhere. And without the pain.

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