Replace Your Bed With A Hammock!

[IN PROGRESS]

Sleep the Sleep of the Gods!

A proper hammock is way more comfortable than any bed. It is cheaper to buy and to own. It's more spacious, yet takes up no living space when not in use; not to mention a big handful of important, proven health benefits. I could go on. It's a no-brainer, yet most people don't. I think I might know why, and I want to do something about it..

So, a page that attempts to have everything you need to ditch that stupid bed of yours and instead sleep in a cloud; or near-as-dammit. Yes, it's that comfortable, if you know what you're doing.

I do. I've been doing it for DECADES* and have discovered and learned many, many useful things. Here I'll share all my best tips, tricks, buying guides and much more.

I'll start with a crucial HAZARD WARNING, which is also a buying guide! THIS:


IS NOT A HAMMOCK!. It is a death-trap designed to trick the unwary and even slightly intoxicated into planting their face forcefully into the ground below, even if it's concrete and two meters down.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

That was the first hammock-like device I ever attempted to use as a bed-replacement. I learned that if I roped it real tight and slept diagonally across it, I could achieve a certain level of balance and safety. Unless I had a couple of drinks near bed-time; then I woke up on the floor. More than once.

After a couple of months I "upgraded" to a Brazillian hammock. A few months later I got the hammock I still use today (we just had our 20th anniversary!). On the subject of not-hammocks, this thing..


NOT A HAMMOCK! It's just pretending to be.

This (Heaven forbid!)..

Is not a hammock! I look at that image and I'm just waiting for the old folks to hit the deck. Falls are no joke for old folk.

PLEASE DO NOT BUY YOUR ELDERS A SPREADER-BAR HAMMOCK AND THINK YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING KIND!

Now you know better, you can get them something safe and comfortable and pass on the required instrution yourself! It only takes a moment. In and out.

Yes, it's those stupid spreader-bars, no doubt added by some ignorant westerner. They are a deadly addition. I'm basically saying avoid any "hammock" with spreader-bars, even if it calls itself a "Mayan" hammock (I have seen this!). They will flip you over and kill you, or maybe just mame. Either way, don't do it.

THIS:


IS A HAMMOCK.

You cannot fall out of this. It is a beautiful, hand-woven marvel of "primitive" engineering. I'll have more to say about this engineering, later. Sure, there are other hammocks that look similar, a Brazillian hammock is fun on the beach, and I've seen some nice lightweight, hi-tech hammocks that would be great fun strung between two rock crags or over rivers but THIS guide is about SLEEPING in a hammock, at home, night after night and that means the number one priority is..

Comfort

Want to sleep in a cloud? Well, close. The only way how I know of, is a proper woven hammock (and a duvet).

Weaving is one of things most people don't think about. I'm one of those people, but every time I get into my hammock I'm reminded of how amazingingly functional weaving can be. Proper woven "Mayan" hammocks are the product of one engineering goal: comfort.

When you sleep on a conventinal bed, gravity pushes your body down which compressed certain points, building up pressure which you eventually, unconsciously, relieve by moving to a different position, and so on, all night. This is often the reason people wake up with stiffness, soreness, aches, tingling and much worse, in the long-term.

With a good hammock, your body is supported evenly at every point. Think about it. Memory foam doesn't come close. Once you get into that sweet comfortable position, your body has no need to adjust and you just relax and fall asleep. When you wake up, you are usually in the exact same position.

There is a small learning curve with hammock-sleeping, compared to a "conventional" flat bed (like, where does the duvet go?), but once you know what you are doing, you can start to reap some life-changing benefits. I'll tell you everything you need to know, below.

Space-Saving

Not the final frontier, but that valuable stuff that comprises your home. We fill it up with stuff and so have less space. I like space, and I live in a wee city flat so even half-filling a room with something I only use for five or six hours a day not happening. But even when I had a massive flat in the outskirts, I still wouldn't give up all that space for a bed. They are just so HUGE!

Once installed, your hammock is simply unhooked in the morning and spends the day hanging from the other hook. The only space it uses is wall-space and optionally a little floor-space. Some people even have nice shelf to rest their hammock on day-time, or even a big pot.

Who doesn't like more space? The versatile hammock is also happy enough to be slung anywhere, so you can sleep in your living room (which I do) or in the hall or wherever you like. Got guests coming over? No need for a guest room, just sling up another hammock or two.

One day we will live in a world where all houses have hammock fittings built-in (and where people only ride bikes!). Well, a boy can dream...

Cost

Beds are crazy expensive! And matresses have stupidly small life-spans. Half-decent beds start at around £250 and go up basically for ever. I'd wager the £10,000 beds still arent as comfy as my hammock; still going strong after twenty years and with decades of life left in it yet!

A jumbo size, thick cord hammock suitable for year-round sleeping will cost you less than £200. Probably much less. By the time it wears out (basically, it won't) you would have bought dozens of beds and matresses costing thousands of pounds. Do the math.

And hammocks aren't just for adults! My two boys (currently 3 and 9) both sleep in hammocks. Not only the "best sleep ever" but lots of fun as an indoor swing. They love it! "Tablet-time" often happens in a hammock, too; very comfortable position. And of course they love the space they get when the hammocks get hooked away.

Health Benefits

Remember your mum cradling you in her arms and rocking you to sleep? No? Me neither. But somewhere in my primal genetic code is a program that responds to this gentle rocking motion, stimulating multiple health benefits, both physical and mental.

We now understand a lot of the science behind what millions of hammock-sleepers could have told you millenia ago.. People who sleep in a hammock are happier, healthier and live longer. Here is why..

Physical Health

The swaying motion soothes you and helps you fall asleep faster. It also encourages a deeper sleep with more REM-state. This, on its own, is reason enough to go get a hammock now.

I've mentioned the ultimate comfort aspect. On its own, this simple feature produces a cascade of positive bodily benefits. Most adults never achieve complete relaxation, and certainly not in bed. When the body is completely relaxed, it goes into healing overdrive. Growth is stimulated. Systems are repaired. If you want to age more slowly, get a hammock!

Blood flow is increased, circulation improves.

Mental Health

Myths: sleep sideways - dangerous - sex -

* I know, FINALLY I get around to a guide. I feel duty-bound somehow.

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