music. sound. audio. listen.
And so there is music. The main Why I Am Here. That and the poetry, which eventually meet, I reckon.
I hear melodies, entire songs in my head, all the time. While still at primary school I started picking up prizes, golden trinkets, for composition - simply letting them out.
And I sing like a bird, can do almost anything with these vocal chords of mine, whatever a song needs. A young boy dancing his voice to the top of the piano impresses folk.
No matter how much I try to ignore it, this calling keeps knocking. So a teenage me starts messing with keyboards, fancies himself Vangelis or something, as a method of expressing. Decades later some of those tracks still stick in my head and demand re-listening. Needless to say, many of the masters (and miniscule "runs") have mostly vanished into history, but not all, and I'll let you hear some of the highlights that survice. Please forgive the audio fidelity..
I would program my Yamaha PSS-480 (which was actually a pretty amazing workstation for its time) with up to five looping rhythms, switching them in and out whilst recording the main synth melody parts, all live, straight to compact cassette! After three or four decent "albums" I grew increasingly frustrated by this setup and discovered the guitar. This I preferred, because it was easier to sing along.
If I hear a rhythm, any rhythm; could be a squeeking wheel or a cement mixer, anything; my mind immediately starts creating melodies to go along with it. Then vocal phrases pop into the mix, then lyyrics and before I know it I have a song in my head. That's my head.
If I were to write down every song I "experience", actual living is tricky. I know, I tried it. Even getting a dozen a day into any kind of semblance of order makes real life almost impossible. I learned that playing ambient music and writing code together keeps melodies at bay. As does focusing on one song, or a small batch of songs for an extended period, aka, "working on a song". Like poetry, the 1% inspiration - 99% persipration effect is a factor, so this is another productive solution..
Inevitably, I found myself forming a band. One minute I was jamming with a guy, then it was two guys, then a drummer arrived and before I knew it, I was on stage singing my songs to actual people, people who seemed to very much like what they were hearing.
We called ourselves "Back Among Blind Men" and for a couple of years did our Dark Rock thing around the North East of Scotland, occasionally beyond; winning stuff, loving, fighting, getting wasted, getting great, the usual Rock 'n' Roll trajectory.
It was an amazing time - looking back along the line of events, the serendpitious magic of it all is obvious. Then it started to get serious. The right people started noticing. Talk became about money, about business. Offers arrived. The final straw; a generous back-room proposal to "go solo". I made a decision there and then and quit the whole shebang, on-stage, next gig. Fuck it. The music is what is important.
The whole universe shifted that night and to be honest, I wasn't quite sure if I hadn't just made the biggest mistake of my life. I did go solo, after all; but not for any multinational corporation, or even independent label. I just went solo, and kept making music. Lots and lots of music.
After a lot of years, and no small amount of effort, I learned how to switch it on and off. In the meantime, I wrote a lot of code! Much of it has found its way into all sorts of places, all over the world. Now I've started releasing some of my music properly, hoping a similar thing will happen.
So here is is, not approved, not perfected, not pre-packaged or even packaged, simply released in a slowly growing selection of things captured so far..